Being a wedding guest isn't hard, but a little thought and some etiquette tips can make a couple even happier to have you there to celebrate with them.
Couples spend months planning their weddings – they choose locations, agonize over fonts, ruminate on cake flavors and hors d’oeuvre selections (ok, maybe that last one isn’t so bad). There’s stress, anxiety and sometimes tears, and the last thing a couple wants to worry about is their wedding’s human factor – their guests. So how can a guest make sure that they’re making the process as easy as possible for the betrothed? Read on for etiquette tips for guests, from the invitation to the final send-off.
INVITATIONS AND RSVPS
Be sure to respond promptly after receiving the invitation, well in advance of the date on the RSVP card. This helps give the couple a final headcount for their vendors well in advance.
If you can’t attend the wedding of a couple you know well, be sure to include a personal note in your RSVP. You’d be surprised how many smiles a simple “I’m so sorry I can’t make it, but I wanted to congratulate the two of you. I’m so happy for you!” can inspire in a couple caught up in wedding planning.
Once you’ve RSVP’d, book any necessary reservations or tickets. Booking in advance could save you money and will definitely prevent last-minute headaches.
If your invitation is addressed solely to you, with no “and guest” on the envelope, RSVP only for yourself.
BUYING GIFTS
Though it’s not obligatory, it’s a nice gesture to send a gift even if you can’t attend the wedding, particularly if you know the couple well.
If you are giving a monetary gift instead of purchasing something, send the gift directly to the couple or see if there is an option in their registry to give money or purchase a gift card. Do not bring cash or a check to the wedding, as it may get lost.
Gifts should be sent in advance of the wedding when possible. However, guests do have up to a year after the wedding to send a gift to the couple.
Do not bring the gift with you to the wedding, unless the registry indicates otherwise. This will avoid the gift getting lost, as well as make sure the couple doesn’t have to transport it after the reception.
CEREMONY
Leave enough time for travel when heading to the ceremony. Guests should be seated and ready for the ceremony at least 15 minutes before it is scheduled to begin.
If you do arrive late, sit or stand quietly in the back so as not to disrupt the ceremony and the other guests.
If the aisle runner is already in place when you arrive, don’t walk down the aisle. Instead, walk around to the outside of the seating to take your seat.
If an usher offers you his arm to show you to a seat, accept. If there is somewhere in particular you would like to sit, inform him so that he can escort you properly.
Be sure to turn your cell-phone off or put it on silent (particularly if you are a doctor on-call or have a babysitter at home with your children) to ensure that a ringing phone does not disrupt the ceremony.
While you may want to document the ceremony, be sure that your camera usage isn’t disrupting guests around you (or causing the couple to wind up with professional photographs featuring your camera screen). Take a photo or two during the processional, then put your camera away until just before the first kiss and recessional.
If the couple requests that no pictures be taken during the ceremony, put your camera away until the reception.
Be respectful of the couple’s religious and cultural traditions. If the wedding is in a place of worship or features a religious ceremony, bring a wrap or sweater to cover your arms and shoulders.
Be sure to follow the dress code on the invitation. Even if the event is more casual, choose a dress, skirt or suit over jeans to show your respect. It’s better to be overdressed than underdressed!
That being said, don’t dress to compete with the bride – tone it down, and never wear white (unless it is specifically requested on the invitation).
If you bring a child or baby to the ceremony (which you should only do if they have been invited) and they are being disruptive, quickly and quietly take them out of the room.
Once the ceremony is over, remain in your seat until the wedding party and the couple’s family have left. Each row should follow in an orderly fashion.
RECEPTION
If there is a receiving line, politely shake hands and introduce yourself to everyone, explaining how you know the couple. Keep the conversation brief to keep the line moving.
If seating is assigned, be sure to sit at your assigned table (and in your assigned seat if you have one).
Stay to celebrate with the couple until after the cake has been cut and served. This is the signal that the reception is coming to a close.
Wait for the bride and groom to have their first dance before hitting the dance floor.
Be mindful of your alcohol consumption if there is an open bar.
Be sure to have a good time! Get on the dance floor and mingle, and don’t forget to congratulate the happy couple.